Parenting

Education...

2011-12-10T07:54:00.001-08:00

"acquiring knowledge" -- is one of the definitions, in recent times... it seem to be changing to "packing knowledge" to the kids, rather than kid trying to acquire at their pace.

Reason for this change is probably "parents" to blame than education institutions... because the demand is more for schools that would be packing the knowledge, parents wants their kid to be "first" and outperform their neighbor kids etc.,

Why have parents become like this? -- because they have either struggled to reach the heights (read as success) in career and they think, it would be easier for their kid to reach same height... if they study well / be part of a prestigious knowledge packing school

Why is success so important? -- because that is the source of money, prestige, lifestyle... that keeps the urban / city dwellers on the nerve as they want to own the best home, latest car etc.,

that's my rough thoughts... above, please do leave a comment on what you feel. In below I would like to propose a new thinking philosophy for parents (for ones that are successful or others that are still struggling)

Let the kid enjoy his life, with equal amount of play (if you have time, sit with kid & play along!) & education, don't put lot of pressure... he / she will grow up to be as smart as her genes are, no amount of additional knowledge packing will help -- only be a facilitator & help the kid in providing the required resources.

-Bhaskara

Learning through games...

2011-08-16T08:23:00.000-07:00

Kids learn lot of things, through game -- experiencing this practically with our son these days & the age this start is typically around 4 - 5yrs & should be practiced on a consistent basis, try these simple games:

board games, that would have a math in them -- learn with the kid to count the score, add them (using fingers)
plan a bed time game, that could be around recollecting 'the day' for yourself, spouse & the kid

Playing games, not only keeps the kid engaged, they learn new concepts / tricks to build their knowledge & will be able keep them away from TV!

-Bhaskara

Toys from trash...

2011-08-16T07:35:00.000-07:00

I have been enjoying the re-learning of basic concepts... while making toys from trash for Aditya (my son), it definitely comes out of passion to do with kids, but I think it should be tried by every parent to do few experiments with their children -

Arvind Gupta Toys - http://www.arvindguptatoys.com/

It's a great source for trying simple - science concepts, origami & fun toys. I'm enjoying past few weeks...

Path, less travelled

2010-08-17T05:29:00.000-07:00

Career development & planning from a teenager perspective is so critical, that makes paths less traveled as hard ones to even look, explore & experiment.

As a parent, we would like our kids to take the path... that is well accepted in the society, we want her to settle down in the life & this ends up putting pressure to make decisions that have a good rate of success. This is quite natural because, there is a sense of urgency to see your son / daughter in good position in the society & the path most taken seem ideal to reach the destination soon..

Can parents, help grow their kids... without fear of future on their career, livelihood?

Is it hard to see, your kid take path that is not common - with no guaranteed income / assurance of success
Does your kid, need to be a doctor / engineer / lawyer etc, a known professional - can she be trained to be specialize in dance? Or Fine Art?

I suppose as a parent, you might allow your son or daughter to explore... what they love, if you have been in the career of non-interest self & longed to be a person of something else?

-Bhaskara

Low attention span :(

2009-12-17T00:45:00.000-08:00

Is low attention span in kids a "gods gift" for parenting? - I say... "yes" - if you make maximum utilization of this low attention span.

How do I use low attention to benefit in parenting?

Usually kids do bad behavior in relation with something they need to play with, eat, watching television etc - depending on the situation, pick an alternative option for your kid or build an element of play to the activity you need the kid to be doing.
Take them away from the scene - give them a new place to get adjusted or something else to play with
If the new option given, is good enough - the kid will forget the earlier scene, situation and start involved in the new situation
This helps in avoiding a tantrum situation, that could make you lose the patience and having your kid go through hard times

Is this good to shift the attention point, that could have been used to teach a good behavior to the kid?

"Yes" - it is good to divert their attention to something new, you can always teach good behavior, while the kid starts engaging into new situation
Kids have low attention, so they would potentially forget the earlier tantrum / difficult scene - but they have not forgotten about it - so you can remind them about earlier situation & explain - it was not good, request them not to repeat

Would I see the kid repeating same bad behavior, by using this attention diversion?

Yes, on the short term - you might see a repetition... but if you do make it a point to explain - what your kid did was wrong, after you move to new scene & have them realize / accept the mistake - the amount of repetition should go down
Look at attention diversion as a way to avoid accident, then having yourself sit down & reflect up on, what would have happened - if accident did happen

Good luck in trying this... and happy parenting.

-Bhaskara

Parenting... easy with Patience

2009-11-26T13:02:00.000-08:00

Easy & Enjoyable parenting happens, when you as parent exhibit lot of patience with the kid… it does not mean you will never lose patience, it should once in a while and not always… below are few ideas to keep your cool / patience in difficult situations:

Provide alternative options, when your kid is forcing or showing temper tantrums on particular thing. Kids - have low attention span, it's better to move their attention into something else, than trying to teach a lesson, by spanking or giving them some punishments

Create a "star" calendar system - in case of really bad behavior from the kid, give her a "0" and for good behavior's (even for situations out of tantrum) - give her a "star" (number of stars, could be up to 5 - depending on good behavior). Apply creative ideas - to allow your kid to use the star's as needed

Set short & long term celebration events to the kid - for example: make a promise to take your kid on a vacation or to her favorite amusement park in summer vacation - if she behaves well through the next few months. This helps in two ways - to control the number zero's you might get on the star & also you are teaching your kid to learn "goal setting" for her behavior & eventually for her career

Bring in random "surprise" elements for the kid - you need to show few elements of "new" or something exciting to your kid, it helps because… we are in the age of "innovation" & as many situations of "wow" or something new to kid… will help them cultivate the habit of discovery. It also helps you get lot of energy from this wow event from your kid to "refill your patience"

I'm thankful to my wife, Lakshmi - as she needs to go through single parenting during my travel times & she has learnt lot of these patience games in taking care of our kid - Aditya.

-Bhaskara

Listening.

2009-07-02T15:34:00.000-07:00

Imagine this:
You recently joined a new company and every time you make a decision or give a recommendation for work on hand and your boss kills your idea and you are asked to do what he suggests. I'm sure - if this continues after you have established credibility and continue to piss you off, and you are capable of getting another job... you will make the move.

I don't think any of us, after we grow up - can take a place where you are not being heard or listened to, we like the company of people who listen and have open ears, give you the freedom to explore... why? because that is when we are working to our best. Wait a minute... why am I talking about adults on a parenting blog - because some parents are like the bad boss who don't listen to their kids or even if they do... very little of the times.

Listening to your kid is important...
Yes, having an open ears and listening to what your kid has to say, what she likes for dinner, where she wants to play, what dress to wear - obviously with some boundaries around them that you have set for safety or cultural reasons. I know, what you are thinking by now -- "Yeah, I listen to my kid, give her options", good if you are already... I would only challenge to reflect upon & see instances that you have pushed your thought or desire on the kid in past one week, month etc... how would listening help? let me give your few characteristics that would nurture in the kid by adopting this:

thinking attitude:
You have now given a chance for your kid to think & come up with what she wants to do, what she does not want to do... she analyzes the choices she has, build a reasoning to pick one - this is nurturing her analytic capability. You are giving room for her to breadth and not just pushing through what you or your spouse like.

self responsibility:
If you let your kid to make the decision & go forward... you are giving a strong message that she is responsible for her decisions and need to go through as long she believes, learn when to abandon a path & come back. Keep in mind, you are always their to give them assurance about their choice or for support... if they are totally lost. You are instilling the sense of "self responsibility" in their hearts & building their confidence.

knowing their limits:
Your kid starts learning her limits as she explores with her decision making, realizes what she is good and what she is not good at... as against you making the decision and forcing her to take a path. This is eventually shaping your kids strengths, weakness, opportunity realization and is shaping up to a responsible teenager as she grows.

learning from mistakes:
Yes, your kid will make mistakes - might fail several times, could get annoyed and might lose an interest on something... that you thought she should pursue, it's ok... let go. Just because you thought was dancing class was right for your daughter & she is not willing to go (because you listened to her) - it's fine, give her the space to explore, make a choice, learn from mistake and help them get back.

list can keep going on...

Closing Note:
Listening is something you should start at as early age of the kid as possible and being consistent, reasonable is important - you cannot say... "Ok, I get this... but will start doing this, when my kid is 6yrs, 7yrs etc" - age does not matter, listening is an attitude you should learn & follow through various stages of your kid, it would help and your kid.

Please drop me a line, on what your thoughts are... @ bhas4@yahoo.com

Thanks for reading this!
Bhaskara

Support for BreastFeeding, one million campaign...

2009-05-21T21:36:00.000-07:00

This has been one subject that I've been thinking to write for a while, finally here it goes...

Breastfeeding Promotion Network of India (http://www.bpni.org/) is doing an amazing job in India for promoting & encouraging the mothers to do an exclusive breastfeeding infants up to 6months & recommend to continue breastfeeding till the kid is 2yrs. My son's pediatrician - Dr. Asha Benakappa (an amazing doctor!) is the South India coordinator for BPNI, she will drive home the point on breastfeeding that will ensure new mothers would continue to breastfeed their kids till 2yrs of age.

Why exclusive breastfeed up to 6 months?

Kid gets the best food from mothers breastfeed
Provides the required vitamins, anti-biotics etc
No need for any supplementary food
Don't worry about weight chart, given by hospitals - they are not really made for India kids

Why feed upto 2yrs?

Make your kid healthy & stronger to fight any germs or infections
Breastfeed kids will stay healthier than bottle fed
Did you know, India has an act against promotion, marketing of Infant food substitutues - http://www.bpni.org/ims-act.html
Avoid any kind of food supplements, bottle feeding your kid

See this report card on India - "State of Infant & Young Child Feeding" - http://worldbreastfeedingtrends.org/reportcard/India-reportcard-2008.pdf

One Million Campaign - http://www.onemillioncampaign.org/en/Index.aspx - is currently going on to raise one voice for supporting women to breastfeed, please make your pledge to the campaign.

-Bhaskara

Engaging with the kid is important...

2009-02-23T20:41:00.000-08:00

In my opinion, good parents can be judged based on the amount of time they engage with the kid... depending on the age of the kid, you engage for different reasons.

0-1 Yr

Parent need to engage with kid to help them with exploration of the things around them
Creating a mobile for the kid's cradle
Helping the kid to start talking
Giving bath to the kid
Changing diapers

1-2 Yrs

Helping them to walk around, feel new things, explain different objects
Sit & play with the kid
Building blocks or initial set of puzzles - help them learn the art of the game
Dedicate at least an hr or two everyday to be with the kid
Taking them out for a walk or park area

2-3 Yrs

Age for building further bonding with the kid
Teaching good behavior through books
Helping your kid to engage with other kids
Teaching them to share their toys
If you start with school - try if you can drop or pickup the kid for few days in a week

-Bhaskara

Creating an Inquiring mind?

2009-01-12T01:00:00.000-08:00

Creating an inquiring mind is an essential part of the good parenting, we would make our kids a better person by inculacating the habit of inquiring about what they see, hear, rather than simply leaving it off & not understand about it.

Try this first on yourself, for a week or so - increase your level of concentration on the items you observe from dawn to dusk, make sure to keep a sheet of paper handy to note down about all the new things you observe around in the day. Either the same day end or the next day, go look-up about every new thing you observed & understand about it, by asking few simple questions:

1. What is this ______ ?
2. How does this work?
3. Why is this important to me, people around or universe?

end of one week, you would at least learn dozen new things that you did not know in the past, it's also possible one of them could influence the way you go about in the daily life / make you feel better / excited!

Now, go back 20yrs & imagine if you had this habit built into you? don't you think, it would have helped you know more about things around you, about the world? and in-turn make better decisions about your studies, career, family, nature?

Would this make your kid brilliant, may be or may be not - I'm not prescribing to make your kid the brightest kid around in the block or school, but it would make him a better human being and have an ability to think about something before making decisions.

Does our education system teach this habit? - To my knowledge there are very few schools that probably inculcate this culture, current education system is on a "race" mode, where they want to have more of their students getting the best grades in final exams & want to have as much information filled into the kids brain to output on the exam sheet... that they miss out to feed for the future. It's like kids are educated by giving them a fish everyday, instead of teaching them to fish themselves!

Does this start at school or at home? - kids first school is home & learn by seeing others... best place for the kid to start this culture is at home, unless you as parent practice this - expecting this by your son / daughter to do this is tough.

-Bhaskara

Teaching the right way!

2008-12-26T07:04:00.000-08:00

It's very important to teach the kids in the right direction first time, every time - even simple things like - if you buy a new toy, teach them right way to play with the toy & the kid will continue to play in the same way every time they play.

It's hard to re-train the kid to go in a new direction, after they learn & get used to certain way of doing few things. This is associated with the wiring of neurons in the brain of the kid, that would not go off easily as these connections are created for good, second part of this unlearning is that it's possible but will take lot of time & you need to have the patience, should not look like you are going back on what you said - but explain the reason for educating your kid to do the new way.

Do accept - if it was a mistake by you in first place & the new way of teaching is the correct one, tell the kid - "I did not know earlier, but papa (or mama) has learnt now"... also educate the kid that we are an ever evolving & need to strive for making things better & this is a step towards making it better.

Thanks
Bhaskara

Parenting is about everyday, every moment of upbringing of the kid...

2008-09-23T22:49:00.000-07:00

This post is about the basics of parenting, in an attempt to answer the question - "What does it mean to be a good parent?" -

1. It's about being consistent on parents behavior, attitude, culture, outlook - at every moment / works of life.

2. It's the walking the talk, you cannot preach something to the kid that you do not follow. If you need the kid to brush his teeth in the night, show it by doing it yourself on a regular basis.

3. Exhibit good behaviors yourself, kids primarily learn by imitation & note even a single wrong / bad behavior shown by you can become a habit for the kid.

4. Learn yourself to be a good human being, caring, clean, healthy habit person - if you want to kid to be the same.

5. You cannot do all the bad things over a period of time & then try to fix in one or two weeks / months & start expecting the kid to change along with you. Once a kid is used to certain attitude / behavior it's hard to make them unlearn & learn new things.

6. I would stress further on previous point & say - there is nothing like, let me beak the rule few times myself, because I'm lazy to show by example & then we will fix it later - does not work that way... you may create the will power to change, but influencing that over to the kid will be difficult.

7. Parenting is about giving the love that your kid needs, whenever, where ever they demand - its not the other way, you cannot decide to get into your shell (because of your work or other issues) & decide to come back at later stage to show the love - the kid may not be open to take it at that stage

8. Golden first 5yrs - Kids brain grow to 90% of full capacity by the age of 5yrs & these 0 - 5yrs are the golden years that kid would learn the most, you need to ensure that a right foundation is given during these years

I will elaborate on each topics, areas in subsequent posts.

-Bhaskara

About this blog...

2008-09-23T22:37:00.000-07:00

This blog is dedicated to talking about good parenting care for the kids, based on my experience with Aditya (my son) & passion towards children psychology, after reading several books on this topic. I will probably be covering following aspects of parenting:

1. How to grow a bright kid?
2. Growing-up a kid without fear
3. Boosting self confidence in the kid
4. Handling difficult situations with kid, either at home or outside
5. Education

more... topics, as I explore & learn.

Happy reading this blog!

-Bhaskara